Sometimes, you really just need to rest.
My intuition told me this a while ago, but I wouldn’t listen.
I would keep plugging away every day at my yogic practice; “Ya gotta keep going!” I would jump in the car and go here, there and everywhere. Always on the go.
Was I afraid of what I would find, feel, if I slowed down?
Sometimes, you really have healed beyond what you think. Something within you knows this truth, You have not been lying to yourself, Your healing was/is indeed authentic. But, sometimes, your mind continues to spin upon itself, making you second guess, making you think that it isn’t over, that there’s more to do: “Go! Go! Go!!!”
Sometimes, we can get really tired from all the work that we do. How many of us experience sadness when we are in fact tired? And some of us also experience tiredness when we are sad. It is a double-edged sword.
In recent years, I have become aware of how my body and mind communicates to me when it is needing a rest. In recent times, I have been experiencing a huge amount of grief; sometimes camouflaging itself as depression. I have been letting go of a lot – an unforced, natural letting go. The time was right. I have been re-wiring my mind a lot. My heart has also been opening. It is feeling the suffering of the world, where before the wall stood firm. Those bricks are crumbling, and sometimes it is very painful, but it is also a relief to feel – for myself and for others. I can finally feel! I am living the Human experience!
I have done a heck of a lot.
And, sometimes, it’s OK to stop for a while and allow ourselves peace, to gift ourselves that Peace. Rest.
Sometimes, rest in itself, is actual yoga. Just rest. Being. Watching. Feeling. Allowing.
This morning, as I lay down, waiting for my child to wake up, my mind stopped spinning. And I realized that I was indeed at peace. I realized that everything was indeed OK, in whatever form that it presented itself. Nothing is “wrong”, and nothing needs to be fixed or manipulated. It is and has always been fine just as it is. The huge amount of effort and work that I had done was, in fact, the real deal and it had finally paid off. When I slowed down and rested, I noticed that there was nothing uncomfortable presenting itself.
I was simply resting, Being – and enjoying.
In retrospect, I now understand what was happening. For those few moments lying down, I was accessing the meditative, neutral mind. It seemed that all the meditative work, all the mind practice that I had previously done was now expressing itself outside of any official meditative practices. It was now expressing itself in usual day-to-day activities. I had, in those moments, accessed my Soul, the Observer, the One who knows that everything is really OK. The one who knows that you are simply experiencing being Human. And those few moments of the meditative mind were enough to reboot my whole day and a few more after that.
And of course, when that epiphany revealed itself, the paradox emerged. Where it had previously been a struggle to get on the mat for the past month and a bit, I was now raring to go. I had effectively unlocked the inspiration and creativity. As I finish writing this, I am headed towards the bathroom for my cold shower in preparing for my yoga mat. No pushing this time. But a genuine want. And, if I change my mind once I stop typing and do something else, so be it. Let it be.
Resting is incredibly powerful. Resting is imperative to healing.